


Closure

by LunarQuinn



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Closure, Dead Akamatsu Kaede, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Piano, ghost - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27392737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarQuinn/pseuds/LunarQuinn
Summary: One year later and it felt like nothing changed. One year later and he still can't move on.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede & Saihara Shuichi, Akamatsu Kaede/Saihara Shuichi, Harukawa Maki & Saihara Shuichi
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

Shuichi looked at the grand piano and felt his heart shatter. It was her piano, Kaede's piano. It was the exact one that was in her lab. The same one where they both sat and practiced.

He walked over to the piano and sat down. He idly played a note. The tune floated through the empty room, filling him with a feeling of nostalgia and pain. Even so, he played another note, and another, until he played the song Kaede taught him. He tried his best to remember everything, but some notes sounded wrong. Even so, he could feel her beside him. He felt her hand brush against his and lean on him, watching him play. He could hear her correcting him and telling him he was doing a good job. 

He would give anything just to hear her voice one more time. Just a second, a word even. It didn't matter what it was. She could tell him to leave for all he cared. He just needed her voice.

He could rewatch the season a million times, but it wasn't the same as hearing her voice in his ear. It would never be the same.

He looked over at the bench. Sure enough, Kaede was sitting there. His heart ached, seeing her there. His throat tightened, and his eyes burned with tears. He stopped playing to stare at her.

"You've been practicing." She said with a smile, "And you don't have your hat."

He almost cried. Kaede was there, right in front of him.

He reached out to her, expecting her to vanish, but was pleasantly surprised when his fingers met skin. He held her cheek tenderly, out of fear that she'd disappear. It was freezing, and it felt lifeless, but it was her.

"Kaede," He choked out as a few tears slipped out, "Is it really you?"

She smiled at him and nodded. "It's me."

He let out a shaky breath and hugged her. He pulled her close and rested his head on her chest, sobbing.

"I missed you so much, Kaede." He sobbed.

She tensed, "Why? I'm a murderer."

"N-no, you're not," He shouted as he picked his head up to look in her lifeless eye, "You didn't kill Rantaro, Kaede. You were framed! You didn't deserve to die. You didn't deserve any of this."

"Maybe, but I set it all up," She said in a calm tone, "I planned on ending the killing game, but I set it all up."

Shuichi held her cheeks and shook her head, "You just wanted to save us. You didn't know-"

"Shuichi," She began in a serious tone, "Stop."

He shook his head and pulled himself closer to her, staring her dead in the eyes. "No, you shouldn't blame yourself when it wasn't your fault! You shouldn't have died. If I had been quicker, I could've saved you from the execution."

Kaede smiled and chuckled before reaching out to touch the top of his head. "You can't blame yourself you that."

"YOU WERE HANGING THERE FOR HOURS, AND I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR YOU!" He shouted at her knocking her hand away. Tears were streaming from his eyes, and he tried to pull himself back together with a deep breath. "I could've saved you. You reached out to me, and I almost had you." He was left breathless. His outburst took more energy than he expected. "You were the first person I felt I could trust, Kaede. Then in the blink of an eye, you were gone. We didn't know each other for long, but I..." He couldn't say it. "Forget it."

Kaede pressed her hand against his cheek, "No, it's okay. What were you about to say?"

Shuichi tensed. It was just three words—three little words. It was just like ripping off a bandage. He just needed to say it quickly.

He hesitantly looked her in the eyes. No, he couldn't say it.

"Forget it." He sighed, "It's nothing."

Kaede rubbed her thumb under his eyes and sighed, "No, don't do that. It's clearly something. You're crying."

"I already said, it's nothing."

He brought his hand to touch hers. It felt nice, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to drown in Kaede's embrace, however cold it was. He needed her. He couldn't lose her again.

"Shuichi, look at me." She said in a calm voice. He couldn't help but obey.

Her eyes were glassy, but she had an almost loving expression on her face. "Please. Whatever you have to say, I won't judge you, I promise."

He felt weak, looking at her, but it could've been guilt. She was crying because of him.

THat's when it set in, just how wrong this was. Shuichi was in love with a dead girl. She died while trapped in that damned game. He should've moved on, but seeing her, how ever it was possible, made him miss her even more. He could imagine a life with her. The two of them, having both survived the killing game, were spending their lives together. Friends or otherwise, they were both alive, but he couldn't.

She was dead. She was dead. She was DEAD!

"Kaede," He choked out, "I-I... can't do this. This can't happen."

She sighed, "Shuichi..."

"How are you even here?"

She shrugged, "I don't know, but I don't want to leave you again."

"And I don't want you to leave again." He said, "I never want you to leave ever again, but I mean, you're dead." Saying that felt cruel. "Nothing can change that. As much as I want you here, as much as I love you, I can't change anything."

Kaede's eyes widened. "You what?"

"I love you!" He blurted out, tears falling, "I love you so much it hurts me!" He collapsed onto her sobbing. "I love you so much it makes me wish we'd never met so I wouldn't feel this way. I had hope that maybe one day, maybe we could escape together and maybe have a life together, just the two of us, but I was naive. Because I couldn't save you because I knew the truth and couldn't keep my fucking mouth shut, you're dead, and you're never coming back. It's my fault! It's all my fault!" 

She wrapped her arms around him and shushed him, "Shuichi, it's not your fault. Besides, if you'd held onto the truth, you all could've died. Surely that's more important than me."

"THAT EXECUTION WENT ON FOR HOURS WHEN YOU WERE DEAD AFTER A COUPLE MINUTES! I WOULD'VE GLADLY CHOSEN DEATH OVER WATCHING YOU SUFFER! I WISH I COULD JUST DIE INSTEAD OF LIVE WITH THAT MEMORY!" He broke down into sobs, clinging to her tightly, "And it's not just you. It's everyone. Kirumi, Kiyo, Gonta, Kaito, Tsumugi, and Kiibo. They all died in horrific ways. Then the bodies. The damned dead bodies. I can't forget them. I want to forget. I've been trying so hard, but I can't."

"Shuichi-"

"It's just frustrating. Maki and Himiko have been coping well, but I can't move on. I know I've changed, but I feel like the same scared detective I was in the killing game. I'm just-"

"Oh, Shuichi," She hugged him tighter and leaned her head on his. 

He buried himself deeper in her arms, "I still see them. I can't escape them. The executions, the bodies, I still see them. Every night when I'm trying to sleep, I can see everyone. You're all screaming at me, telling me I should have died instead of you, and you know what, you're right. You're all right. I shouldn't be alive. What makes me so special? Why do I get to live when you've all had to suffer so much?"

She pets the top of his head, "I'm so sorry you've been going through this." 

"Me too."

"Have you told Himiko or Maki?"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"They've moved on."

"So?"

He sighed, "I don't want to hold them down. Maki's gotten over Kaito, and Himiko has completely gotten over the game."

She rubbed circles on his back, "That doesn't mean you can't talk about it."

He pulled himself closer, "I'd rather die."

"Don't say that."

But it'd be easier.

"Okay."

"Look, Shuichi," She began in that melodious voice, "You have to move on. I'm dead, and you need to keep living. So, no giving up, mister."

"I can't?"

"No, you can't. You need to stay alive for me. Can you do that for me?"

"I'll try," He sighed, "But, no promises."

Kaede held his face and smiled lovingly at him. She leaned in close before pressing her lips against his.

She was kissing him. She was _kissing_ him.

Without thinking, his hands held her shoulders, and he kissed her back. He'd never done anything like this before, but it didn't matter. It was everything he could've wanted. 

Her lips were cold, but it was so heated. Every worry and anxiety about her death washed away for just a moment. He held her tightly, pressing their bodies closer, living in the moment.

Then it all came crashing back. Shuichi realized how wrong this was. He was kissing a dead girl. No, that was too pedestrian; he was _making out_ with a dead girl. He knew it was wrong. He knew it wasn't the best decision, yet he couldn't stop himself.

This was what he wanted so damn badly. This kiss meant the world to him. He knew it was wrong and that he should move on from her. That Shuichi should wake up and leave Kaede in the past but, he couldn't.

It didn't matter that they'd only known each other for a short amount of time. He didn't care. He loved Kaede, and he'll never stop loving her.

He didn't want to move on.

He didn't want to forget her.

He didn't want to lose her.

He didn't want to be alone again.

What he wanted was to stay safe and in her arms, protected from fans, from Team Danganronpa, from the life he used to have, from the nightmares. She was safe. Kaede was safe.

He felt her start to pull away, but he wouldn't let her. His kisses got more and more desperate. He _needed_ her.

"Shuichi," Kaede whispered against his mouth, "You have to move on."

He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, kissing her more passionately than ever. 

"Shuichi," Kaede said his name as she pushed him away.

"No, no, no, please," He tried to get close to her again, barely opening his eyes.

"Shuichi," Kaede held his face gingerly, yet lovingly, "All I've been doing is holding you back-"

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" He shouted at her.

"I thought that I could help you move on, but all I've done is make things worse."

"You don't get it." He lowered his voice, "I-I don't wanna move on anymore. I-I want to stay here with you."

"Shuichi, you can't. I'm dead!"

"Shut up!" He screamed, his nails digging into her, "I don't care anymore. I want to stay here with you forever. I-I don't want to live if I'm not with you."

"Shuichi, please, I don't want you to stay in the past. You have a whole life ahead of you."

He shook his head and clung to her, "It means nothing if I'm not with you."

She wrapped his around him and rubbed his back, "You can't say that."

"Kaede, please, don't leave me again!"

"Shuichi..."

"No!"

"Shuichi-"

"Stop it!"

"Shuichi, please-"

"Stop!"

Kaede sighed, "You've grown so much without me. And you could do so much more if you just forgot about me."

"No! I won't forget about you. I won't! I won't! I-" He fell over onto the bench. He jumped up and looked around, tears filling his eyes. "Kaede?" He jumped to his feet and looked around. "Kaede!" He looked around anxiously, searching for her. "No, no! NO! Please come back. I-I can't live without you. I-I won't do this without you. I can't!"

No response.

"Please, I-I can't lose you again, just come back! There are so many things I have to say to you. I-I need you, Kaede. Please, come back."

He was choking on his breath while he begged her to come back. He knew it was a lost cause, but he needed to believe. If he believed enough, it would manifest; it had to. He couldn't go on without her. He needed her.

"Please." He fell to his knees, sobbing. "I can't lose you again. Take me with you."

He stayed on the ground, wailing. He finally saw Kaede, and she was torn from him again. He was right there in her arms, safe from everything that might've hurt him. He trusted that she wouldn't leave him again, and yet here he was all alone.

He dug his nails into his arms, screaming at the top of his lungs, not even caring who heard him.

"Come back!" He cried over and over, hoping that she'll listen.

How was he supposed to move on? She was right there, holding him in her arms, kissing him while telling him he needed to move on because she was dead.

He already knew that. He'd come so close to moving on from Kaede, but getting out of the game, and seeing the season of the game, and then seeing her again, kissing her, it made everything a million times harder. He loved her now more than ever, and moving on seemed impossible.

He knew it was wrong. He'd known Kaede for a few days, maybe a week, then she died. She died for something she didn't even fucking do, and for what?

She could've had a future. Sure her talent was all fabricated, but if she had gotten the chance to escape and see the world, the _real_ world, she could've made a future. But no. She died because Tsumugi was too selfish to see that she was just as much as a person as she was.

It wasn't fair.

Maybe that was why he couldn't move on? Because he knew that if she was given a chance, Kaede could've lived. She could've been there with him, alive.

He wouldn't need to feel guilty over how much he loved her or kissing her. 

He continued screaming and sobbing. He punched his left forearm repeatedly until he couldn't feel the pain or move his hand anymore.

He was broken, lost, and falling apart without her. He needed her. He felt colder than her skin or the kiss. 

He tried to fill the hole she'd left by talking to her, but it only got worse. He missed her now more than ever.

He knew. He KNEW that it was wrong, but that didn't help. Nothing about their interaction helped.

Despite every sane part of him screaming at him, he couldn't move on. He couldn't move on. He didn't want to move on.

If he did, then he risked losing the

memories he had. The memories that didn't show up in the show. The feeling of safety he felt. The sensation of Kaede's hand on his while she told him she believed in him. 

He wouldn't risk losing them.

Not now, not ever.

So what if it hurt him? So what if it left him trapped in the past? He'd go through a million more nightmares if it meant he never forgot her.

"Kaede," He choked out in a pathetic whimper, "Please. Come back."


	2. Chapter 2

Shuichi looked back up at the piano. For a split second, he thought he saw her, but it was just his imagination. He staggered to his feet and walked over to the piano.

He was tempted to start playing. Kaede came the first time, so maybe it would work again?

But he couldn't. He wouldn't be able to handle the sound.

So he sat back at the bench and stared at the keys. He put his head in his hands and tried not to cry.

When he felt arms wrap around him, his heart soared. He turned around, hoping to see the pianist holding him, but he could hear his heart shatter when he saw Maki instead.

Her eyes were wide, and she looked like she was about to cry.

"Are you okay?" She asked in a concerned voice that sounded completely out of character for her.

Without even thinking, he returned her embrace, pulling them both close. He broke down in her arms, sobbing. He didn't know what else to do. He was hurting, and he needed her to hold him up.

Maki held him tighter and rubbed his back. She shushed him and rested her chin on his shoulder. Her fingers worked through his hair while she hummed a gentle tune in his ear.

Kaede left a gaping hole where his heart should've been. He felt empty, incomplete, and lost. He thought he could move on from her, but he found himself missing her even more. His feelings were even more intense than before.

"It's okay," Maki assured him, "You're going to be okay."

"She was right here," He began shakily, "We... we were talking and then she just disappeared and I-"

"Kaede?" She asked as she pulled back.

He nodded, "She's gone again. I-I was there in her arms, then she just... she just left. A-and I can't do this without her."

Maki sighed, "Shuichi, I know how you feel, but you can't-"

"Shut up!" He shouted at the assassin, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

She shook her head, "Shuichi! Get ahold of yourself! She's dead, Shuichi. I know seeing her made you feel better, and when she was gone, it hurt worse than the first time, but you can't keep focusing on the past."

"But if I don't, I'm scared I'll forget."

"Forget what? How badly it hurt seeing her execution, what it felt like when you revealed the truth, how you felt when she was dead? There is no way any of us can forget about any of that."

He shook his head, "I know, but what about the good times? What if I forget those? I can't really remember too many good moments with the others. I know they're there, but I can't remember. I don't want that to happen with Kaede. She means the world to me, and if I lost those moments, I might never get those back."

Maki let him go, "If they mean that much, then what makes you think you'll forget them?"

He shrugged, "Because the good times with everyone else meant a lot as well, but I can't remember them. I try, and I try, but I can't. I've rewatched the season so many times, but I can't get the feeling back. Plus, those intimate moments that happened, most of those didn't show up."

Maki held his hands and looked at him intensely, "Shuichi-"

"I may never get those moments back."

He choked out as tears fell harder and faster.

She looked at him intensely, "Shuichi, stop it."

He sighed shakily, "If I lose her again, I don't know what I'll do. I-I love her."

Maki nodded, "I know you do, but you have to move on. I-I know it hurts now, but it will get better."

"It will?"

"Of course!" She backed up, "I mean, it's fucking hard, but when you realize that you can't hold onto her forever, you'll feel so much better."

Shuichi sniffled and wiped his eyes. He couldn't risk forgetting. What worked for Maki wouldn't work for him. It would never work. He would never let go of Kaede.

Her death wouldn't be for nothing. HE would hold her memory close for as long he lived.

"Shuichi, are you okay?"

"Why'd she have to die?" He spoke angrily, "She didn't kill Rantaro, so why the fuck is she dead?"

Maki sighed, "I see."

"She should be here with us."

"Shuichi."

"And it's my fault. It's my fucking fault."

"It's not your-"

He growled, "If I had kept my mouth shut. If I had kept my fucking mouth shut, she would be here."

Maki reached out to touch him, but he slapped her hand away.

"Don't fucking touch me!" He screamed as he jumped to his feet. Tears streamed from his eyes, blurring his vision.

"Shuichi," She said in a harsh tone, "Get ahold-"

"SHUT UP!" He screamed as he ran away.

He was an idiot. He was emotional and irrational. He didn't know what was wrong with him, but he knew he had to get out of there.

He wouldn't forget her. That would never happen. Never. Never. Never. Never. Never. Never. Never. Never.

He sprinted through the warehouse as fast as he could, breathing heavily. He didn't know where he was going. He was just running until he finally, finally got out of the building.

He stepped into the open and tried to catch his breath. Tears were falling like waterfalls, and he felt like he was about to throw up.

He could hear Maki still, telling him to move on. Her voice echoed in his head, bouncing around, causing a massive headache. He could hear Kaede telling him to forget, but he couldn't. He refused to forget the moments they shared.

He won't do it. He won't. He won't. He won't. He won't. He won't. He won't. He won't. He won't. He won't.


End file.
